This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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