i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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