called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
As shirtless as possible
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
They are going to name an STD after you.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
