if you like me you must not know who I am
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
