I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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