No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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