He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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