My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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