before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
