my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
