No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
