yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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