Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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