Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
