Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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