Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
