another moral hangover. fuck.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
