After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
