I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
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I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
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I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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