I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
