i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
