May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
