I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
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I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
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Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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