wrigley field is MILF paradise
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My brain says no but my pants say off.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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