I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
This gyro tastes like lonliness
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
