Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
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no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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