I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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