dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
