Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
