Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
