I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
