new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
