i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The uberlube is also flammable
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
