What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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