I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
