Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
