you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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