Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
