Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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