i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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