hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
