the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
