My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
