"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt