having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
my shit smells like andre
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down