Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
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did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
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My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.