Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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