I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
