my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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