i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
When did angry sex become our thing?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
