He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Randomize
