so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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