Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
