and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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