I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
