so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
