life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
