Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
