i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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