I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
