Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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