dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
