Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So many bounce houses so little time
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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