we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
