I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
