a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
