and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
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I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
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My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
my poor anus
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