Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
