I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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