he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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