I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
