My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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