when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
