Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
