He had one of those small greek statue penises
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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